Tag Archives: Edinburgh

Love letter 7 – stone collisions

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Because Edinburgh is built over hilly terrain and up against and on the crest of volcanic cliffs, it is often hard to navigate for those who do not know it well. Points of visual reference, such as the castle, prove useless when suddenly you find yourself at a lower level than the street you wanted to be on. Now you’re under a high spanning stone bridge. Now you’re curving round, looping back on yourself. You just saw that infernal castle a moment ago, but now the compass is spinning and wherever you are, it’s oddly dark for a Spring afternoon.

 

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Pro tip- that’s not actually the castle. It’s the governor’s house of the old Calton Jail, on Calton Hill.

 

At other points, the landscape of the city provides an chaotic but visually appealing collision of stone and texture. Over the years a sequence of building and rebuilding and adjuncts and buttressing has lead to brick and stone insets in the natural cliffsides (ruins of old churches, or stopgaps to prevent rockfall) and to the picture at the top of the page, where an alley smashes into itself as two buildings come to a head.

 

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It confounds the eye – one building heaving into another. Lights rim the floor so that in the dark there are some simpler definitions for the foot passenger to use as guide. But not all of Edinburgh is like this, of course. There are the grand parades among the frenzy of knots and neuks.

 

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And then there’s the final image I will leave you with here. One of my favourite parts of the city, where the vistas open  and the cliffs rise in their changing colours over the rough and short cropped grass. Holyrood Park, by the Scottish Parliament:

 

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At the right hour

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- you’ll catch a sky like this over Embra. A gloaming sky.  A few solitary clouds like this, delicate but moving fast.

 

If you’d like something to read, whatever hour of the day it is with you, I’ve written the next installment in a series of essays on The Female Gaze recapping Supernatural. One essay per episode per season (of which there are currently 8 – 8 essays). They do contain spoilers but I’m trying to dig into aspects (as well as problematic sides) provided in each episode.

 

Here’s a taster of the current essay:

 

You’ve thought it before. People have sung of it: Our lives could be very different to how they are now. Those tiny twists in fate accrued over time and became a part of you. That coin you dropped and didn’t stop to pick up. That spelling mistake on a job application. That face whose glance you chose to return with a smile. That time you pulled the bottle from your lips and made it stay put down.

You might not want things to be any different, but it doesn’t stop you thinking about how it could have been.

READ MORE

 

Aside from these essays, I’m trying to summon the energy to alter an essay on the Aethiopika, though the priority this week seems to be to edit Dear Friends and Gentle Hearts down to a sharp white point. I really want to tackle the long essay – stirred to do so by the kindness and insight of Chris J Rice – but whenever I sit down, it’s the novel I am dragged to. Make it better, make it lighter. Why are you taking so long with what will be a little clawed snow hare of a thing when it’s done?

 

My friend C gave me some advice that kicked me into action. Very simply, it was to number chapters, rather than write ‘chapter one’ etc as I had been doing. Such a small change made the text feel immediately fresher. And highlighted the soft squashy lines (and whole paragraphs) that needed peeling down.  Revelation. My eyes furring up as I struggle a page at a time, into the night.

 

So while I grow tired often and sometimes feel creatively spent, or isolated, I know that there is a community of writers and wise souls. Virgils, yes. But not leading me down to the inferno.  Writing back from their own spaces, waving across the ravines. Thank you, all.

 

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Love Letter 6 – ‘Edinburgh, Scotland’

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‘Edinburgh, Scotland’ appeared in ‘I <3 _____: Everywhere is the New New York’. Here it is in full, with pictures from previous posts:

 

To begin with, every city is about the people, of course. But in Edinburgh, the city is more about the interplay of stone, weather and light. The people have coursed through this space in its various forms for at least twelve centuries, but the stone and the weather and the angle of the sun outlast them all.

 

It’s easy to say we don’t have four seasons here, that we lack definites. Summer is cardigan weather most days. Winter, umbrella. Spring is much the same, and Autumn. But we do have two distinct seasons: the season of light and the season of dark.

 

In Winter, we wake to dark at eight, to bluish haze and the egg-yellow glow from the windows across the shared back green of our tenement.

In Summer, morning is at four, striking against the cliffs of Salisbury Crags. Stark outlines, warm tones against a keening pale blue, like a 1930s hand-drawn postcard version of itself. Dusk at eleven.

In Winter the dark comes knocking at four om, and some days it feels never light at all.

This is how we know our year, by the way the light or dark shapes our buildings, our volcanic rock.

 

From the summit of Calton Hill; Arthur's seat, Salisbury crags (the long diagonal cliffs) and at their feet the Scottish Parliament (among other structures)

From the summit of Calton Hill; Arthur’s seat, Salisbury crags (the long diagonal cliffs) and at their feet the Scottish Parliament (among other structures)

 

There’s something mournful about the city. I remember reading the writer AL Kennedy calling it a sad place, saying that she couldn’t live here through all that restrained sadness. I understand, yet here I am.

 

North Bridge towards Princes Street and the Balmoral Hotel

 

It’s cold and the sky lips the hill of Arthur’s Seat. The commuters walk down the blue and red North Bridge from the high-leaning higgledy of the Old Town over to eighteenth century New Town. The Crags and the Seat overlook them, leaning back in their mist. The commuters keep their hands in their pockets, their scarves neatly tucked at their throats.

 

Below, the train station, jimmied Victorian, glass encased, wonders if there will be another jumper from the bridge, remembers the days of steam and of ‘North Britain’. The grey shipwreck of the Scottish Parliament, off by the cliffs, whispers, wheesht. Shhh. Says, now really. We’ve more to show than those days.

 

It’s sometimes easy to get lost in the layers of the cake. How do we live here? It’s true that in Edinburgh, people are polite and reserved. That they won’t fight you so much as shake their head at you, judging. They are conservative in ways that defy the modern notions – socially progressive, politically too, they will purse their lips at someone speaking loudly in a cafe, wryly say, “oh that lot, there they go again.” The goth and punk kids stalk their limits of territory on Cockburn Street and Hunter Square. The arts fall within certain limitations, though artists are always there, pushing quietly back.

 

Festival time, in August, is the carnivalesque, the moment of sanctioned release. Here come the Irish, English, North Americans to tell us jokes and paint themselves silver. Here are the writers with books coming out, and issues to shuffle and spark. Then, when the month goes, most of them go too, and the grey stone re-solidifies, and the sounds muffle til the New Year. Hogmanay. A Viking longboat is dragged down North Bridge on a river of burning torches, then set alight by the unfinished pillars on Calton Hill. The dark is there, pressing tightly round us. History, of another part of the country altogether, really, pressing too. Dark at 3:40, that last first day of the year.

 

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Beyond the feast days, it is a quiet city. Sometimes the breweries tang the air, bagpipes play on the street corners in the centre. Sometimes it’s a fraction of a scent or a reedy song you hear. Passing as you are under a wide dark bridge, up a cobbled narrow wynd, you become liminal, neither in one year or another. Adrift between the walls. The cities is entirely itself. It has grown and fossilised and now all that can change it is the weather, the light. Forces greater than human endeavour.

 

A roundabout of graves, in the centre of the kirkyard's road

 

You could go into a kirkyard to see the gravestones, think: did you all feel the same? How little and how great a space you had to slip yourself within? The green, black stones are silent, it’s one-thirty and there is no sun. A great inevitability. But you’re already here, within the weather, breathing clouds. A narrow space in your own body. A line in the book of history, though your name itself might not be reported.

 

Right now. Here. Edinburgh. A yolk-yellow light beams from your own window, charming a rain-harried passer-by.

 

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Objects+spaces, mute

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Edinburgh, in permanent pre-spring. Hard stoned and blue.  The glasshouse, The Scott Monument in a whirl of snow, an alley in the University district. Only a model of the town, showing it in 17th century layout, looks warm, Mediterranean. Let’s go and live there in the tiny houses, rake the wee gardens, sun ourselves.

Nothing to do but wait and blow on our fingers.

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Texture/Surfaces

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Soft pinks, knobbled vines and branches. Warm damp air, artificial rivers with koi and flowerless lily pads. The winds high outside the glasshouses. Hush from here on out.

 

 

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Departure

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I am off to the wedding of my friends A and M, down in the English Peak District. Things will be quiet, but I hope to take advantage of the (presumably) lovely scenery and take a lot of photos – snow is predicted. Which I would be excited about, but it’s March, and March snow is always a little wearying.

 

Happy International Women’s Day and World Book Night (for yesterday). I shall be merging the two holidays by reading a book by a woman on the long train journey down – The Secret History by Donna Tartt.  So if the landscapes going by the train are gloomy and misted like the picture of the Meadows above, I shall have something to keep my mind off of it.

 

Wishing you a good weekend, and that if you are in the frozen Northern Hemisphere, that you stay as toasty as you please.

 

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Read your candy cigarettes

Crossing Bruntsfield Links yesterday

 

(Just a picture to show that the darkness is lifting here – the sun was bright over Bruntsfield Links yesterday)

 

This post is really about some lovely news – a short-short story I wrote will be appearing on the back of candy cigarette packets to be given out free at Smokelong‘s table at the AWP conference and bookfair in Boston next week.

 

Of course, I’m not able to make it to AWP – so I have a favour to ask of anyone here who is going. Would you be able to take a picture of my story?  The Smokelong table is H20 (nice and memorable) and there will be lots of other intriguing shorts to read, and of course, the interesting people who work at Smokelong to discuss literary matters with.

 

My email address for photos is: wheresthebread[at]hotmail.com

 

If this plan succeeds, I’d like to feature your photo here after AWP is finished. Thank you!

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Happy January, Live The Dream

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Happy 2013 everyone! This picture was taken at the Edinburgh Hogmanay celebrations last night. Not visible past the fireworks is the castle up on the hill. There were about 80,000 people in the city centre, according to the BBC, but I think that was on Princes Street alone.

 

The title of this post comes from something an enthusiastic drunk English man said to my friends and I as we were walking home – he informed us that January is the best month of the year, his favourite month, anyway. Happy January, he said, and he seemed convinced.

 

In the spirit of celebrating the new month, I’m going to be announcing the winner of the ‘place’ photo competition later today – I had so many good entries that I’m going to have to defer to my family as judges. They’re coming over for the traditional Scottish New Year’s Day meal of steak pie and clootie dumpling (one of these I’ve made gluten free for me – I get salmon for a main course). After the meal, I’ll show them your pictures and we’ll take a vote. So come back later on to admire/be jealous of the winning entry.

 

 

 

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An Endless Year in Review

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2012 is nearly over – it’s been a year of open spaces. A year of close reading. A year of patient steps. Anticipations, damp days, wandering the city (see my love letters here)

Of writing this second novel, and hoping, still, for the first. Of making friends online (- you’ll see them on my blogroll there, though I should do a big long post addressing them) and discovering literary journals, where my work fits, or I  find what turns something in my heart.

 

I’ve read 44 novels this year, and I’m working on the 45th. I’m a pretty slow reader, needing to take breathers, often distracted, so I feel happy with this total. Before the year’s out, I want to say a few things about the writing that has stayed with me – I’m lucky, in that a lot of what I read this year was utterly wonderful. Not all of it was new, or even new to me. But here are my picks of the best:

 

I began reading Humanimals: A Project for Lost Children by Bhanu Kapil an hour before the bells rang in 2012, and its hybridity and excellent prose has haunted my imagination. If I get the chance, I’ll be seeking out more of Kapil’s work in 2013.

 

The Summer Book introduced me to the wiseness and gently wood-carved sentences of Tove Jansson. I’m reading A Winter Book right now, and loving it almost – though not quite as much – as the sunsoaked earlier novel.

 

Green Girl by Kate Zambreno – how can I begin to talk about how much this book inspired so much in me this year? I can’t possibly do the stark, girl-centred, needling thing justice. Or the many conversations it inspired across so many online platforms?  Just be glad that it sent me towards Zambreno’s blog and Heroines, which if you haven’t read it, what are you waiting for? Participate!

 

Glaciers by Alexis M. Smith taught me the power that can be contained in an almost-novella, written with such care, without an ill-placed word.

 

Zazen by Vanessa Veselka was on the other hand an explosion, an earth-scorching revelation of words. I await her next works with the eagerness of a sailor’s wife, standing on a pier, watching a maelstrom wreck the waters.

 

I Have Blinded Myself Writing This by Jess Stoner wins best title and Book That Made Me Cry and stare off into space thinking of it. It’s experiemental, beautiful, humane – let me just throw some more words till you decide to go investigate.

 

Fast Machine by Elizabeth Ellen is one of those rare collections – one that I cannot stop reading. Normally I struggle to find the energy for short stories, but each of these connects, refracts or sparks the rest, and I felt like I was in a workshop for what this form can do. It’s the second book after I Have Blinded Myself Writing This to be published by small press giants, Hobart.

 

Domestication Handbook by Kristen Stone, another hybrid work, charmed me with its twisty, raw-fingered deployment of memoir and textbook and poetry.

 

Special, rather shocked mention to 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami, for being such a messy and plain and overblown thing, which nevertheless slowed me down in my own work, made me consider my audience and how to talk to them.

 

Not too many men on this list, but it’s down to my vowed focus on female writers. Only 11 of the 45 books were written by men. No regrets. The world of book and poetry reviews is heavily weighted in favour of men, as Vida proved true of America last year.

 

So what will 2013 bring?

 

A superstitious year. Bad luck and good ahead.

 

More books – the first of the new year will probably be Errantry by Elizabeth Hand. Anticipating good things, from what I’ve read around it.

 

More writing.

More of my work shared, I hope. I am coming on with this draft, and really think, after absorbing so much great writing, that my own has improved. Nothing can be known in advance. I am prepared to patiently keep stepping forward, honing and learning every day.

 

More adventures. More of the seashore and the mountains and the countryside. Glens and slopes and lochsides. Another trip to London, in mid Janurary, this time with D – a Christmas gift from my parents.

 

A move, at the very least out of this cramped flat. Perhaps out of Edinburgh – mysterious, but I’ll know more in the Spring.

 

So much more – a new camera, to replace the last. I hope to work on my photography skills bit by bit, and bring you better images, views of places that have innately such beauty that I cannot distorted it too much.

 

 

And of course, reading. A new Endless Reads – I hope you’ll let me know of what books you’re thinking of tackling, which you’ve loved, which you have great furious hopes for.

 

And I wish you all a raucous or peaceful and in any case charming Hogmanay – see you back here, after the bells birth 2013.

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Beacons

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Those places, corners, flashes, which in a blue winter dusk shine out, call to you.

 

D and I saw this bright shop whilst we were walking through Marchmont, a pleasant, tenement-and-tree-rich area of Edinburgh South of The Meadows (close to where we live). It was about three o’clock when I took this picture, and little children where getting out from the school just up the road. Their parents chatting by the gates, the lollypop man carrying his road crossing sign. We walked on, heading for Morningside to pick up a Christmas present. Some boys on Bruntsfield links threw a ball for a black dog, a streak of dark against the blue grass. In windows as we walked, Christmas trees and artificial candles, bookshelves stacked up, old clocks, pictures on the wall. Sometimes the occupants were there, sometimes they’d left their empty stages lit.

 

It’s been over a year since we moved back to Scotland from New York City, and we’ve only just planted our feet. It’s hard to emigrate and return. You lose your way for eight months or more. Work is hard to find. Your friends live in another city, in another country. But we’ve done it. We’re here. Hope gleams ahead of us to light the darkness of the future.

 

I’m thinking about all this in terms of the character I’ve been building up for my second ms, how she is lost and doesn’t have a single anchor, hasn’t had for a long time. I’m putting all my bad immigrant emigrant aches into her, and making them worse.  Now I can do it with distance, with precision. The landscape is bright high desert and Rocky Mountains – as far from unlit as you can get, but loneliness is night against the skin, all the time.

 

Dear Friends and Gentle Hearts is stitching closer together, though in form it is fragmentary – memory intrusions, odd jolts of narrative, hope (the emigre’s drug), landscapes, sketches. You can read excerpts of it if you haven’t already, here and here. Across the imminent year, I see the beacon of the end of this novel. The end that comes in stages; finishing this fourth draft, handing it to my agent, rewrites, submissions to editors, and hopefully, beyond that, a glimmer of more rewrites – but those are far off on a distant hill, the sight broken. But the fires are lighting up, one after another, defining each other and the shapes in between, in unexpected ways.

 

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